Parents Do Not Agree to Marriage

Fri, 12. Mar 21


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Date: Friday, 12. March 2021

Time: All day


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Location: North Carolina

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Dear Loveawake: I am an Indian girl who will be getting married shortly. Being Indian we believe in getting married with our parent's blessings. Unfortunately my parents have not agreed to my marriage. They don't approve of my choice. The boy's parents have agreed to get me married but I fear the comments that may occur by the rest of my, would be family. This makes me insecure. Please advise. - PT

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Dear PT: I have always felt that the poet and philosopher, Kahil Gibran, was correct when he gave parents the following advice in 1923, "You may give them your love, but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts." So if your parents were asking for my advice I would tell them that every family has to have room for a child who sees the world differently than they do. Their expectation is to have a child who follows what they believe, mimics their likes, dislikes and what they have done traditionally for hundreds of years. Since this is not the case with their daughter, I would advise them to love you unconditionally and support whatever life you choose for yourself. But your parents have not asked for my advice, you have. So my advice to you is that you must weigh the consequences of your decision to marry a man with whom your parents disapprove. You have to ask yourself, "Is my love for this man strong enough to sustain itself if my family cuts me off and never speaks to me again." Your parents may very well come to accept this man as your husband as the years pass but you have to look at the worst case scenario that they never do. You have to be so sure of your love that it can withstand any cruel comments from your "would be family" as well as your parents. Your love has to be strong enough to survive in spite of going against family values and traditions. You have to be so sure that no matter what anyone says or does, this is the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with. If, on the other hand, there is a little voice inside your head which says, "I really do need my family's and "would be family's" blessings in order for me to feel secure in my decision, then maybe you should postpone your wedding. I am going to assume that your parents love you very much and have your best interests at heart. Maybe they see something that you don't see. That's where the expression, "Love is blind," comes from. You referred to yourself as a "girl" and your fiancee as a "boy" rather than as a woman and as a man. This leads me to believe that you both may be very young. Marriage is for adults who are willing to commit themselves to each other for better or worse, till death do they part. It is not a vow that should be taken lightly nor should it be something that is done without a great deal of thought. Whenever we are insecure or unsure of a decision, it is always wise to postpone making it until we have weighed all the pros and cons and can live with the cons. There will always be a certain amount of confusion that accompanies every major decision in your life. We have to honor that state of confusion by not acting impulsively. If you get as much advice and information as you can, hopefully, you will come to a decision you can live with. I wish you the best of luck. - Loveawake


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